I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
