Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
