Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
