you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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