we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There r osticjed everywhere
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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