Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
