I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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