i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
