i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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