I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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