Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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