Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize