I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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