woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
