hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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