I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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