whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
