There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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