Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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