maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
