A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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