I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize