Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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