He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
