And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He better not be in your backpack
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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