fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
