508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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