if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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