Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
