i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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