if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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