imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
