i think my tv is drunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
