So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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