Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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