sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
