so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need water and some morals
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
