new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
