I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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