just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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