who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No I am not eating basil off your cock
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
