Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
