Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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