My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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