During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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