I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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