oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize