I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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