I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
