You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
