GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
