The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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