hotel room ftw
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
