Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
