Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
