My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
