i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
