I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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