Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
