Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I look better un-naked...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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