um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
