how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
