last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
