apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Green mimosas i think yes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
