is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
