Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
