You made me cry and you don't even care
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
