end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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