Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
