In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
