If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
