he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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