pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
