So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
