I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
