I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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