Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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