I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
