i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
