I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
