Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
