Pants 0. Shit 1.
barbara walters just said penis...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
