took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
