He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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