You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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