the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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