well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
