Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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